funonweb
March 29, 2024, 08:00:54 am
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News:
Perfect match local dating directory

 
  Home   Forum   Help Search Arcade Links Staff List Login Register  

Jokes hi Jokes


career

HTML ezBlock

 

Pages: [1]
  Print  
Author Topic: Jokes hi Jokes  (Read 666 times)
Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« on: July 27, 2012, 07:28:39 am »

A Girl's First Time

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.

As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.

He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.






You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty! Excuse me, What were you thinking?
Report Spam   Logged

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2012, 07:32:37 am »

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".
Report Spam   Logged

Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2012, 07:48:12 am »

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
Report Spam   Logged

Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2012, 07:48:45 am »

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?
Report Spam   Logged

Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2012, 07:49:14 am »

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!
Report Spam   Logged

Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« Reply #5 on: July 27, 2012, 07:51:26 am »

Flight Accident

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and ...?
OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed!

Some moments later the Captain came back on the intercom.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pant!"

One passenger Yelled ...

"For God's Sake...
...
...
You should see the Back of Mine!"
Report Spam   Logged

Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« Reply #6 on: July 27, 2012, 07:54:57 am »

Priests on a Vacation

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb.
They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a top*ess bikini came walking straight towards them.

They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.

They were both stunned.

How in the world did she know they were priests?

So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.

These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine..

After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored top*ess bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.

Again she nodded at each of them, said

'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said,

'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?'

'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'

She replied,

'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'
Report Spam   Logged

Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2012, 07:55:05 am »

Deadly PJ s....Read at your own Risk (Hindi)

Statutory Warning!
The views expressed in this mail are strictly of the originator and the person posting this doesn't take the responsibility of the contents at all...in fact he's looking out for the originator who dared to write these deadly PJs...So read at your own risk!



Ek aadmi bank se bahar aake ek auto mein chada....autowala usko us k ghar le gaya aur 100 rs liya. actually, it wouldn't have costed more than 10 rs. Agle din, subah jab woh aadmi jagaa, he was not able to see anything.kuch bhi nahin dikh raha tha But then, raat hote hi, uski aankh theekh ho gayi and he was able to see everything clearly.
WHY?
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..





Kyonki autowaale ne us aadmi ko ULLOO bana diya tha!!!



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------





Ek Gadha ped par chadha to oopar baithe haathi ne poochha:

Haathi: Tu kyun chadha ?

Gadha: Apple khaane

Haathi: Lekin yeh to Mango tree hai !!
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..



Gadha: Maloom hai, main apple saath laaya hoon!!!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
------------ --------- --------- --------- -------





Champu and Pampu are 2 elephant friends. Champu is in love with Champi, > > the elephant beauty queen. Champu proposes to Champi and she rejects him for some other rich elephant across the river. Champu is very sad, so Pampu consoles Champu and asks him to play see- saw at the
garden.
Suddenly the see- saw breaks... and they burst to a song........ ......... .. guess which one......... ......... ......... .

..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..



See- Saw ho ya dil ho.... aakhirrrrrr. ..toot jaata hai....toot
jaata hai...toot jaata hai....!!!!!


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --



The Maratha Regiment was fighting hard on the border against the enemies....They had to cross the border to capture the enemy x-ud....but no one was able to cross the border and go across.
fearing death . Just then Hawaldar Pawan Kumar Jhonke ...got up and crossed the border.....and nothing happened to him ..
why??
Kyon ki
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..








Panchi Nadiya PAWAN K JHONKE... Koi Sarhad na Inhe roke...(from Refugee)


============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= ======
============ ========= ========= ========= =========



A man is speeding in his Ferrari on the highway..... ..suddenly a hare hops up from nowhere, onto the road. unable to dodge it he runs right o v er it.......... ..overcome by concern he stops his car to inspect the hare........ ..the hare is dead. being an animal lover ,our Ferrari driver tries to bring back the hare to life........ he frantically searches the dicky of his car and finds a spray- can there....... he sprays the dead animal with it...suddenly the hare springs back to life........ it runs along the road....looks back and waves at the man....then again runs along some distance ,looks back and waves at him.....and then again runs further,looks back and waves...
the man looks at the can and reads these words...
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
'HAIR SPRAY. BRINGS LIFE TO DEAD HAIR.INCREASES WAVINESS.'



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
--- ------------ --------- ----- ------------ ------

A friend gives a barrel full of FEVICOL to his friend on his birthday. What does this friend who receive the gift sing Huh
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

Dushman na kare dost ne ye kaam kiya hai
Umra bhar ka gham (gum) hame inaam diya hai........



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
---

------------ --------- --------- -- ------------ -
One day James Bond goes to buy a pan. The pan walla asks him Rs.4 for the pan but James Bond gives him only Rs 1.5. When paan waala asks him for the rest of the money ...Bond replies .....Huh??
Take a guess
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

Dhai (2.5)another day.........
Report Spam   Logged

Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« Reply #8 on: July 27, 2012, 07:57:59 am »

Women are really smart
Joe was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sick father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment seminar he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her beauty took his breath away

“I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will pass on, and I’ll inherit his large fortune.”

Impressed, the woman took his business card and three months later, she became Joe’s stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
Report Spam   Logged

Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2012, 07:58:59 am »

Pakistani Beggars in London

Javed and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London .

Habib begs just as long as Javed but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

Javed brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend..

Habib says to Javed 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'

Javed says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?

Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.

Javed says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3

Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'?

Javed shows Habib his sign...

It reads:

'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan'.
Report Spam   Logged

Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« Reply #10 on: July 27, 2012, 08:00:07 am »

Love Letter

A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.




A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.

My Dearest Ishaa,


Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options

(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
**********


1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:

(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?
**********

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:

(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
**********

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:

(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
**********

4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:

(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
**********

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:

(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
**********

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...

(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
**********

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:

(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
**********

Cool I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:

(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
**********

9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:

(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.
**********

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.


If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.


Eagerly awaiting your reply..

Love , Aanshu


************ *********



Ishaa's reply letter was also in Q/A format ........


Aanshu ,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
**********

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.

(a) Yes (b) No
**********

2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?

(a) Yes (b) No
**********

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?

(a) Yes (b) No
**********

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.

You poked your nose inside..... Right ?


(a) Yes (b) No
**********

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?

(a) Yes (b) No
**********

6) Should I not wait for my best friend ( Anjali ) at the bus stand?

(a)Yes (b) No
**********

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?

(a) Yes (b) No
**********

Cool You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?

(a) Yes (b) No
**********

9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple . Do you know ?

(a) Yes (b) No


If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.


Hope everything is clear to you .
Report Spam   Logged

Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2012, 08:01:02 am »

Girls R Like...............

Girls are like....Floor Tiles---------- If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years!

Girls are like.....Bank Accounts---- Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Girls are like.....Coffee------ The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.

Girls are like.....Computers-------- Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Girls are like....Cool Boxes---------Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Girls are like.....Government bonds--------- They take a long time to mature.

Girls are like.....Horoscopes---------- They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Girls are like.....Lava lamps---------- Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Girls are like.....Mascara------------- They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Girls are like.....Parking spots---------The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either disabled
or extremely small.

Girls are like.....Place mats-------------- They only show up when there's food on the table.

Girls are like.....Bank Machines-----------Once they withdraw they lose interest
Report Spam   Logged

Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« Reply #12 on: July 27, 2012, 08:01:45 am »

One Kiss Per Yard

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.
Report Spam   Logged

Funonweb
Administrator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3524



View Profile WWW
Badges: (View All)
Sixth year Anniversary Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts
« Reply #13 on: July 27, 2012, 08:02:25 am »

Sexy Secretary

A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked.

Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door.

Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?"

"Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.

Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you quit advertising it."
Report Spam   Logged

Pages: [1]
  Print  
 
Jump to:  


HTML ezBlock

3333

 

 

+- Recent Topics
Powered by EzPortal
Bookmark this site! | Upgrade This Forum
MySMF - Create your own Forum

Powered by SMF | SMF © 2016, Simple Machines
Privacy Policy